Oh readers. I love you so much. You guys are awesome. Just so you know. Ok. My dog is fucking retarded. Now, first off let me tell you that I feed him regularly. He has fat rolls on his shoulder blades. And yet he acts like I starve him and never feed him. He has a problem.
Last night, Andrew and I went to dinner, and had an amazing night. We came home, and for the second time this week, Tito had eaten crayons. Crayons! What the fuck? Why in the fuck would you eat crayons? They are waxy and covered in paper, and of all the things you could eat, you chose crayons. Ok. Prepare yourself for the waxy rainbow poops that you're gonna have to squeeze out your ass, you little fucker.
Now, it's not like I had these crayons laying out on my floor for him to just play with as he pleased. I don't even know where he found them, considering I had to throw my last box of crayons away, because he fucking ate all of them. He just finds crayons and eats them, leaving me with paper remnants and half eaten Crayola's to clean up.
Now, as if this wasn't bad enough, I walked out of my room this morning to find him chewing the handle of my hammer. What the fuck?? First off, how did he even lift that to get it into the living room?? That thing is heavier than he is! Secondly, why the fuck would he choose to chew on that, instead of one of the billion toys that were scattered all over the living room? You know that shit does not taste good!
So, I have concluded that my dog does, in fact, have downs syndrome. The end.
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