Pepsi of the Gods

Have you ever been struck with fear so horrific that you couldn't move? You just had to stand there, watching your fate unfold before your eyes, while you were helpless to stop it?

That just happened to me. And now, it's story time.

I was sitting at my desk at work, reading a book, answering calls, and just going about my normal day when I was consumed with a thirst so bad, that I had no choice but to get up to go get a drink.

So I did.

I walked across the sea of cubicles and around a scary corner to the break room. We have vending machines with snacks and such, but I had my eyes on a special prize... Pepsi.

I was so thirsty. I patted my pockets, making sure I'd remembered my money. No worries, I had. I took out $1.25, which, in my opinion at the moment, was a perfectly reasonable price, considering the fact I felt like someone had blow-dried my mouth. With a blow dryer. Let's not be dirty.

So I put my money in the machine and pressed the button. B5 was my selection. So the little lever that was holding the drink in place pulled back and.... It didn't move. The entire fucking row of Pepsi just say there, as if to say, "Nah we're cool in our little row here. Move along."

But I couldn't just move along. I had given the machine my money. I had paid for this drink, and dammit I was going to get it.

So I knocked on the glass.

I didn't know what else to do. I don't have the strength to wiggle the entire machine because I'm still crippled from my surgery. So I just sat there, knocking on the glass as if the doors of heaven would just open up, and the Pepsi would come floating down on a cloud.

Obviously, this didn't happen. What the fuck.

At this point I'm desperate. I just want my fucking drink! So I slowly turned around to face the cubicles that some fucktard had decided should be set up in the lunch room. Who does that? Really though, I shouldn't complain, considering the fucktard in charge of this practically saved my life.

So I called over to the cubicles. "Has anyone gotten their drink stuck in the machine before?"

Immediately, 3 of the guys that work there pop their heads up, and walk over.

Once they got there, they evaluated the situation. There was a chance that, after shaking the machine, it would release a different drink, or, god forbid, push the Pepsi back into the machine, where it would be lost forever. Please no...

I took my chances, and told them to shake it.

Slowly, they tipped the machine, and then aggressively they shook it. I watched, anxious, as they attempted to save my from a life of dehydration.

The Pepsi dropped.

I may or may not have screamed, because I was so excited.

As I walked away, I heard one of them say, "the soda machine bows to me."

I couldn't agree more.