The Day I Almost Died

First off, I fucking love all of you. I want you to know that, in case something happens to me. Now, maybe this seems random, but it's not. I had my very first near death experience the other day, and I have my roommates to thank for that.

I grew up a WARHEAD virgin. While all my friends were eating them and raving about how awesome they were, I stayed far away from them. Don't get me wrong, I love sour candy. However, the look on someone's face as they were eating a WARHEAD was enough to convince me to never eat one. Ever.

When I walked into the house one day to find some sitting on the counter, I quickly averted my gaze and set about my daily routine. I had no interest in trying one, and soon forgot they were even there. Unfortunately, my roommates did not.

Lindsey: "Shaye, do you want a WARHEAD?"

Me: "Uh.. No. I've never had one."

At this point, both her and Andrew threw a fit. How could anyone go their entire 20 years of existence without trying a WARHEAD? This thought baffled both of them. It was like I was some deprived child from Africa who had grown up starving and fighting for my life. I think they over-exaggerated a bit. They will disagree.

Now, normally I am not one to give into peer pressure. That's a lie, I cave instantly. But not when it comes to food! I am very picky, and I do not like when I eat something unpleasant. For me, that is one of the worst experiences a person can have, and it's something that stays with you forever. Now, I don't know why this day was any different, but it was. I caved to their persistent pressure to eat a fucking WARHEAD. This was the biggest mistake of my life.

When I said I would try one, they were both so excited. They handed me a yellow one, which, being a WARHEAD virgin, I had no idea that yellow is the worst. I unwrapped it and popped it into my mouth. 'Not too bad,' I thought. And then it hit me.

It was like a waterfall of sour torture hit my tongue, oozing from the inside of this candy. And it wouldn't fucking stop. The minute it hit me, my face contorted into a mix of sour and pain, and my eyes started watering. When the sour-ness wouldn't stop, the tears continues to flow. I was crying because of a piece of fucking candy. How can something so small cause so much fucking pain?? My mouth started salivating, causing me to drool on myself. I thought I was going to die.

And then, as quickly as it had started, it was over. The candy turned into a harmless little lemon head, and I was stuck sitting there, wondering what had just happened. One moment, my life was flashing before my eyes, as I helplessly sat there, and one moment everything was back to normal, as I stared into the amused faces of Lindsey and Andrew.

I learned a lesson from all of this. I hate WARHEADS, and never again will I put my life into the hands of my evil roommates. Nor will I ever indulge in a WARHEAD again.