A Blog For My Dog

I love Tito. He is my baby. Seriously. I'm such a dog mom, it's pathetic. However, my dog is the biggest shit. He is the small, fluffy version of Marley. (For those of you who haven't watched Marley and Me, watch it. It's amazing. But keep tissues nearby. You'll cry.)

When I first got Tito, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. We rescued him from the pound, and he was so cute. Little did we know, he is the devil's spawn.



The mess I came home to...



The first time we left him alone, he chewed up so many things, and shit everywhere. We went and bought a baby gate to lock him in the kitchen, and quickly learned he could easily jump over it. I got home from work one day, and there was paper. Everywhere. And stickers, and ribbons, and pretzels... He had raided the living room. He had been left in the kitchen with the baby gate, and had scaled it to wreak havoc on my stuff. And then I see my puppy...  



Tito is laying on the floor, obviously miserable, and incredibly sick. I panic. Then I see it.. He ate all of the chocolate covered pretzels. Shit. So off to the vet we go. I drop him off, and they keep him there for 6 hours.. I am worried sick. Is he ok? They call me, and when I go to pick him up, the vet takes me into the office. Tito is there, obviously feeling better. He was so excited to see me! And then the vet says, "I have never seen a dog, especially one that small, throw up that much stuff." And that was when the fun of having a puppy began...

My dog shits more than any dog I have ever known. I'm not talking little poodle shits. I'm talking Labrador sized shits, three times a day. He takes a giant shit in the morning, and by the time I get home, there's more on the floor. Seriously, dog? And no, feeding him less doesn't help. I tried.

Tito is obsessed with eating paper. Toilet paper, wrapping paper, napkins, boxes, anything. What kind of dog does that?? If I were a dog and decided to eat shit I shouldn't be eating, I'd be going for the food, or something that at least has some flavor and doesn't give me paper cuts. Dumb fuck.



He chews. Everything. He has chewed paper, window sills, my computer chord (in half, twice. So, in thirds.), two lamp chords, my DVD cases, and more than one paid of underwear (because dogs are fucking disgusting). Now, he is 3 years old. He should be over the chewing phase!!!



He also loves loves loves chocolate, which, as most people know, is really bad for dogs. It will fuck them up. This is the main reason I'm writing this blog today. I was taking a nice shower this morning, in a good mood. Today was gonna be good. I got out of the shower, and there were chocolate wrappers all over my room. How did he get it?? He managed to knock over a basket that's bigger than he is onto the floor, and went crazy. Oh my god, he almost died. That mother fucker not only ate chocolate and endangered himself, but he ate the good fucking chocolate. Reese's, Hershey's Dark Chocolate, Kisses. Seriously. I wanted that. And I'm sure Andrew did, too, considering he's the one that bought it. (Fat people problems-your dog ate your chocolate.)

Now, I'm also 99% sure my dog is downs syndrome. No joke. He runs into walls, he falls off the couch, and he loves to run. He gets excited, and instead of jumping on you, he runs and runs as fast as he can for like, five minutes. What the fuck is he doing? I don't know, but it's funny as shit. Seriously. He puts on his racer stance, ears back, tail tucked, and runs. What the fuck?

Now, don't get me wrong. I adore Tito. I think he is the best dog ever. He's cute as fuck, and for the most part, he's a really good dog. Seriously though, he is such a little shit. It's like having a toddler. That sheds. And slings poop all over your fucking house.



Tug of War



If it wasn't for how adorable Tito was, I probably would've killed him. No joke. But he is just so fucking cute.. He is so fluffy. Oh my god. He snores when he's sleeping. Fucking loud snoring, too. Now that I think about it, it keeps me awake. That's not cute. That's fucking annoying. When he begs, he shows you his snaggle tooth. He loves to cuddle and he lovese to play. These things, aside from the snoring, have saved his life. When he shits, and eats my chocolate, he doesn't get in trouble. How do you yell at something that's so fucking adorable?



When he eats his food, he doesn't eat straight out the bowl. He takes a few pieces in his mouth, and walks somewhere else and eats them one at a time. It takes him ten minutes to eat one little dog treat. What a 'tard.



Tito is spoiled. He doesn't get in trouble, he eats half my food, he takes up the bed. I take him everywhere with me- the store, Andrews, you name it, and he's there. I buy him clothes and sweaters, so he doesn't get cold. I love this dog. He may be a shit, but he's my baby.





Yes, I put him in a flannel shirt.
But isn't he so adorable??