Christmas is coming. Most people are so excited about this, including me. Who wouldn't be? Christmas is fucking awesome, and you get presents and shit. Seriously though, some things about Christmas fucking suck.
First off, the guys at the front of the stores from Salvation Army. Now, I now this is for charity, and that's cool. What annoys the shit out of me is that every one of these people is standing there, usually leaning against the wall, with a grumpy-ass look on their face. Cheer the fuck up! It's fucking Christmas! I know, it's fucking cold outside, and maybe your job sucks a little. But being grumpy doesn't make it any better. Maybe I should start giving these people hugs. And hot chocolate. That would cheer me the fuck up.
The fucking cold. And the snow. And anything associated with these things (aside from sledding, and playing) suck ass. I hate the snow. I really should not be living in Utah, where we have "The Greatest Snow on Earth." No. It still fucking sucks. The greatest snow would be warm snow. Now that would be fucking awesome.
I love shopping. So much. But shopping at Christmas time is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE! Seriously. People are so rude. They ram you (or your car!) with their carts, and push you, and have seven screaming children trailing behind them, imitating their every move. Fuck you. Go home so I can shop in peace.
Why the fuck is everything so damn expensive? I swear they jack up the prices by 700% at Christmas. Since when is a shirt $50?? I saw the same one a month ago for like, ten bucks. Fuck you, retail stores, and your fucking prices. I get so excited to go shopping for everyone, and I find the perfect present for all my friends and family. And then the checkout lady fucks up my day by saying how much it costs. Fuck. This year I'm just gonna buy everyone a candy bar. Maybe a balloon, too. Who doesn't love balloons?
And then there are the grumpy people. The scrooges. You know, you smile at them in public, and they grimace back. You say hi, or thank you, and again, they grimace. You say "Merry Christmas" and all you get is that fucking grimace. Well, fuck you, too, asshole! Seriously, I'm just trying to be nice, and all you can do is muster up this disgusted look on your face. If I had that look on my face all the time, I'd be grumpy as fuck, too. Cheer up.
I love Christmas. Despite all the negatives and the grumpy asses and the bitchy shoppers, it is my favorite holiday. I love when I get someone the perfect present. I get so excited to give it to them. I love the decorations and yes, I even love the grumpy people. I especially love dressing Tito like Santa Claus.
Merry fucking Christmas, everyone.
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