I am a nice person. This did not used to be the case. However, I've grown, and changed, and decided I didn't want to be a bitch anymore. Sometimes, though, people have a way of getting me to be a bitch. In this case, it is my ex-roommate, Dan.
Let me start with this-he is the biggest douche. Seriously. He's a fucktard. He is inconsiderate and immature.
So I decided I needed a roommate because I was not able to pay the rent and utilities alone. I posted an ad on KSL and got a plethora of responses, from creepy old men to guys asking me to be their fuck-buddy-slash-roommate. Ew. So Dan comes along, and he is the only sane person. We make an agreement. He pays $400 in rent and half of the utilities. He pays the first month awesomely. Sweet!
Month 2 rolls around, we get along great, but he pays his rent late.. I say ok, I'll work with you, but you have to pay the late fees. He does, and all is good with the world again. Then I get woken up at 2 in the morning, because he brought 3 of his friends home from the bar for a no-pants party.. On a fucking Wednesday night!! Could you not wait until Saturday, when I don't have work the next day? Whatever, he lets me drink his coffee and buys me Cafe Rio to make up for it. Again, all is good with the world.
Month 3, I get home to find a 'Pay or Vacate' notice on my door. What? I paid my rent! Oh... Dan. So I confront him. He doesn't answer. Finally I get a hold of him, he says he has the money, but isn't paying because "It does not affect you when I pay my half of the rent." Uh, what?? Mind you, it is MY name that is on the lease, not his. It's my rent record that's getting affected, not his. I'm pissed. he goes another week before finally paying... And he still doesn't pay the late fees he owes. Seriously, dude?? Like, really? Grow up! You're acting like a child.
Obviously, this guy is immature and irresponsible. So I set a time when we're both home, and break the news to him.. I'm kicking him out. Originally, I was going to give him time. However, he retaliated saying he was not going anywhere until he was ready, and that I couldn't legally kick him out. What?? That makes no fucking sense. My name is on the lease, not yours. It's my apartment, and if I don't want you here, you need to leave. End of story. Oh no. He goes on about lawyers and law school, pretty much just being a giant dick. I am pissed.
Meanwhile, I get a new roommate lined up, who needs somewhere to go ASAP. While he's being a dick, she's sleeping on the couch. Poor girl. I feel horrid. I try calling him, try texting him. The leasing office serves him a 72-Hour Notice to vacate. Nothing. So I call a lawyer. Because he was served a 72-Hour notice, after that time, anything left in the apartment belongs to me. SWEET! So I text him and tell him, if he doesn't move his shit, I'm selling it/putting it outside. I can legally do that. Keep in mind, he still hasn't paid his late fees or utilities. Fuck him.
He texts me, and says he'll be gone by the first. I see him at the apartment, he says he has the money, just doesn't have it on him. He then goes to the club and spends $50. This I know, because he took my new roommate with him. HA!
So the first of the month rolls around... Then the second... His stuff is still there. I call him, asking his plan. He says this. "I have a martial arts class I can't miss, but I'll come get it tomorrow."
Me. "And you'll bring the money with you, right?"
Him. "Ya.. I would have paid it earlier, but I just can't trust you since you kicked me out."
Um... FUCK YOU! Seriously? You can't trust me? You were the one that wasn't paying your rent here, not me, buddy.
So today is the day he said he was coming for his stuff. I have a feeling he has no plans of leaving the money. So I did what I thought would be necessary. I took his painting and am holding it hostage.
Now, this is no normal painting. This is a scroll painting of the Great Wall of China. It's an excellent painting, and I wish it was mine. But it's not. Fuck. Anyways, it is also his favorite painting. It is something that he is gonna want, and want badly. So, I left for work, and I put this painting in my car. When he asks where it is, I'm going to tell him to meet me at the leasing office with the money and the key, and he can have the fucking painting. FUCK YOU DAN! I win!
So now, I'm sitting at work, and I left my phone at home. FUCK. When he calls about the painting, no one is gonna answer. Because I don't have my fucking phone. So now I have to go home at lunch and get my phone, and I pray to God he isn't there. I'd rather do this after work, when I have no plans.
Also, fuck you, Dan.
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