My Tattoo Experience

I swear I get more badass every day. Can I just tell you that? I've come such a long way in my life, but the thing that astounds me the most is what a badass I've become. Just kidding. But really. We got a badass over here. So, let me tell you the story of my first tattoo.

As most of you know, I was supposed to get this tattoo on Wednesday, but they were too busy. So we re-scheduled for Friday at six. Friday rolls around, and they call and re-schedule for nine o'clock. At this point, I'm getting irritated. Like, I made a fucking appointment for a reason, bitches. But oh, well. Let's just go at nine.

So Andrew and I walk in there, and I fill out the paperwork. No biggy. We're playing tetris-which I totally kicked Andrew's ass at, by the way-and we're just waiting. And fucking waiting. I'm not too nervous at this point. I'm thinking, 'This is no big deal. It's just a little needle.'

Tattoo guy comes out. "They're prepping my station. It'll be about ten minutes."

Oh god. I swear to you that I got so nervous so fast that my stomach fell out of my butt. Oh god, this is really happening. I'm really doing it. I start shaking. Bad. And I had no control over my body. At all. My muscles tense up, and I can't stop shaking, and I have to pee, and of course at that moment in time my body decides it needs to fart. Attempting to control all of this at one time was fucking hard. Luckily, I did. Thank god.



'I Love You' in my
dads handwriting.



So the guy yells from the back to come over. Oh jesus, I'm going to die. I am walking to my death bed right now, so please pull the covers down so that it'll be ready for me. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Oh my god.

I was so nervous. I don't remember what happened next. But all of a sudden he pokes me with the needle. Oh... That really wasn't that bad. Why am I freaking out? I can do thi-OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT HURTS SO FUCKING BAD. FUCK ME NOW.

That was my though process. And then it was done. It took, at most, five minutes. And I was done. Holy shit! I got my first tattoo. And I didn't die. Nor did I cry. Holy shit! How did that happen? I thought for sure I would cry.

But now it's done. And I couldn't be happier with it.