I Hate Dog Treats

First off, I would like to say Happy New Year! I was going to write a blog on New Years morning, shortly after ringing in the new year, but I was extremely intoxicated and I don't feel like it would have made any sense. So, it's a good thing I didn't.

So yesterday started off really good. I woke up (only slightly hungover) and went to breakfast at Denny's, which was fucking delicious. Then we came home to watch a movie. We opened the door, and at first all seemed normal. Then we saw it. Tito had gotten into his dog treats, and eaten an entire fucking bag of them. The first thing Andrew says is, "Awe little puppy, you're gonna get diarrhea today." Fuck. Boy, was he right.

It took a while, and I started to think that Tito would be okay and not get sick. He's walking around the living room, playing with his toys. He jumps on the couch, curls into a ball, and then it happens. He fucking pukes all over the pillow. What the fuck?? Why the fuck did you go on the couch to do that? Shit. So, I pick him up and take him to the kitchen, so that he's off of the carpet. I look down, and there's another pile of puke on the floor. What the fuck? When the fuck did that get there??

At this point, I start to get pissed. This dog fucking puked on my pillow and on the fucking carpet! You've got to be fucking joking me! So, I put him in the kitchen, grab the cleaning stuff, and turn around. And guess what? Tito had gone into the living room, and was taking a fucking shit on the carpet. Fuck! I don't even care. He is in the middle of taking a shit, and I pick him up and throw him at Andrew. Take that little mother fucker outside before he shits more on the carpet! Now, to understand why I interrupted Tito in the middle of his shit, I have to explain. This was not a normal shit. Those treats made him sick as a fucking dog (pun intended). There was no way I could ever get it out of the carpet if I let him continue. 

So, Andrew takes the little shit outside, and I start to clean up this mess. At this point I fucking hate Tito. Seriously. I do not want him back in my house. The mess is so disgusting. I'm trying to clean and I'm throwing up and I'm crying. I'm so distraught. Fuck this dog and fuck his dog treats. And then Andrew comes in...

"Babe, Tito is shivering. Can we please come in? Oh, and he threw up again so can you get his water?"

Are you FUCKING joking me? He shit and puked on my carpet, he is still throwing up, and you want me to let him back in the fucking house? NO. Take him outside. Now. Before I shank both of you.

I finish getting the messed cleaned up, and Andrew brings Tito inside."Babe, he had diarrhea and shit all over his fur, so you need to give him a bath." Oh, my god. I cannot do this. But, of course, I do. I give Tito a bath,  get him all cleaned up, and he rolls up into a ball on my bed, and falls asleep. Thank God. It's over. Tito and Andrew are both asleep, and the mess is cleaned. It's over. And everyone is still alive, and unharmed. 

I am so happy it's done. So happy. I still love Tito, and of course he's allowed in the house again. But I swear to god, I will never give Tito another treat as long as I live.