I'm A Loser

Sorry I'm posting this so late in the day. I know, I suck. Get over it. Anyways, today I am having some troubles thinking of a subject to blog about, but I'm in a fucking creative mood, and I wanna write a blog. So what the fuck do I do now? Let me tell you what the fuck I do now! I'm going to tell you a story about my life, and how I fail at everything.

Me, Playing Mario Kart
Drunk, By Myself. And
Winning. Thank God.

So, it all started a couple months ago. I was at my friends house, and I was drunk. Now, I don't ever win video games. I suck at them. Bad. Like, I might as well just fucking unplug my controller, because that would probably give me a better chance of winning than I have when I'm controlling the game. So anyways, I wanted to play some Mario Kart, but I didn't want to play with anyone. Why? Because I knew I would fucking lose. So, I turn on the game, put it on two player, and play by myself so I could win. I'm such a fucking loser. Seriously. Who does that? Me. At least I can say I won that round. Unfortunately, I cannot say this for every time I've cheated like that.

So the other day, I was playing Mario Kart with Andrew and his brother John. Both of them had to leave the room for a minute, so I started a new race. I just wanted to get first place one time. Just once. That's all I wanted. I get about one lap through the race, and Andrew comes in. He sees what I'm doing and picks up his controller. Now remember, I have one lap between us. An entire fucking lap! And you know what? I STILL FUCKING LOST!! How the fuck does that even happen?? HOW?? I was so mad. Here I am, someone who can't win at fucking anything, dating someone who wins at fucking everything. This makes for some low self-esteem when it comes to my winning skills.

It fucking blows to lose all the time. I just want to win one thing in my life. And I try so hard. I cheat, I play nice, I do all the tricks I can, and still, I lose. Every  fucking time. I swear, it is fucking impossible for me to win at anything. Playing gold fish against a three year old? Racing on scooters against a seven year old? I guarantee I will still fucking lose.

Maybe one day, the gods will grace me with a moment of glory. Maybe. But I doubt it. Always and forever a loser. Fuck me.