Fat Girl Problems, Without Being Fat

It Started Young... Yes, That's
Brownie Batter. Don't Judge.

Okay, so I feel like I have a problem. Seriously. I cannot stop fucking eating. If I don't have food in my hands at all times, I go crazy. I know. I sound like such a fatty. I haven't gained weight from it, I am not obese or overweight in any way, and I am not some crazy over-eater that needs therapy. I just always want to eat. It's horrible.

Now, I know this is a problem. Obviously. I'm going to be five hundred fucking pounds by the time I'm twenty.. Which is only two months away. Whatever. I don't care. Honestly, I really don't care. I eat what I want, when I want. I know that one day, this will catch up to me. But for now, I do what I fucking want. Apparently, others are not okay with this.

I cannot tell you how many times people have come up to me at work and said something about my diet. "You're gonna get diabetes." 

"I can't wait 'til your eating habits catch up to you." 

"Here, let me draw you a graph of your blood sugar levels." 

You know what, people? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! This is one of the most irritating things to me. You aren't my mother, and you are in no way affected by my eating habits. Honestly, people. Leave me the fuck alone. I do what I want. 

Mmmmm... Apple Pie.
Fuck, Yeah.

Now, there is one lady in particular that really agitates me when she says something about my eating habits. She is a really nice lady, and I really liked her until she came along with her little blood sugar graph, talking to me about diabetes and shit. Want to know why? Because this lady has no room to fucking talk. She is over weight. No question about it. And yet, she has the nerve to waddle over to my cubicle and lecture ME about MY eating habits? Lady, please. Don't. Just FUCKING don't.

I understand. Maybe these people are trying to look after me or some shit. But you know what? I don't give a fuck what your reason is. Do not interrupt my delicious snack to ruin it with your talk of fat and cholesterol and how it's all gonna catch up to me one day. Really. I was enjoying that doughnut... and chocolate... and chips... until you came over and ruined it for me. So. From now on, leave me the fuck alone so I can enjoy my snack.