H as in Homosexual

I have a good job.

I make good money, and I am guaranteed 40 hour weeks.

I have full benefits.

But the customers I have to deal with on a daily basis drive me bat-shit insane to the point that I have considered quitting while having a fit of rage. Of course I don't, because I'm not fucking stupid, and I have bills to pay and that, despite the customers, I love my job. Anyways.

For your reading pleasure, I'm going to tell you about the things that annoy me the most.

1. When someone calls without the correct informations, and then says "I knew I was going to need that, but I didn't grab it." Then, they put me on hold and make me wait for them, instead of just having all the things they're going to need to fucking start with. Really?
2. Getting mad at me for having the wrong phone number in the system.
3. When people call, and I answer the phone and am on hold immediately. I'm sorry, but if you can't even wait until I answer to put me on hold, then we are done here.
4. When they call, and are having a conversation with someone else instead of giving you their full attention. What the fuck? If you don't want to talk to me then DON'T FUCKING CALL. Your other conversation can wait until we are done here.
5. The other day, I had some guy yell at me because I didn't know his phone number. He insisted that it was the same as everyone else on file for his company, when, in reality, everyone had a different fucking phone number. He then called me a liar and hung up.
6. When they act like I'm stupid. For example, I ask what their name is, and they say something like, "John Smith. It's kind of hard, so let me spell that. J as in Jaguar. O as in Octopus. H as in Homosexual. N as in Necrophilia." Um. I'm pretty sure I know how to spell "John."
7. I start with "HP this is Shaye" when I answer the phone. I am obviously a girl, with a very high-pitched voice. Yet people insist on calling me 'sir', saying "Oh how funny I have a son named Shaye" or calling me Chase or Shayne. Stop it. I am a fucking lady.
8. Someone will call in a request, and call back 15 minutes later demanding to know why our technician isn't there yet. Because you aren't a fucking princess, and you aren't the only customer. So shut the fuck up and be patient.

Please, I beg of you, do not do these when you call into any kind of customer service representative. Or anyone, for that matter. Don't be a fucking asshole. Ok? Please. I am begging you.

Also, when I was spelling out the name John, homosexual and necrophilia were the first words I thought of with those letters. No, I am not a pervert. Today has just been a weird day. Don't judge me.