Thursday, May 16, 2013

Welcome to Our Home, Bitch

For a few months, Andrew and I have lived together. I want to discuss moving in with your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, because this is something that no one can every truly be prepared for. It is also the greatest experience a couple can have.

There are no secrets. If you want a relationship to work, you have to be honest about everything, especially if you're going to live together. Do not lie to them about your financial status or any other aspect of your life. Even if you don't live with them, they will eventually find out.

Privacy can be a hard thing to maintain when you move into a small place, especially if you have a roommate. You almost never get alone time, so prepare for that. If you need your space, set some boundaries! Otherwise you're going to go fucking crazy. Also, boys, girls poop. And if you want to keep thinking that they don't, then you should probably never ever live with one. Ever. Because we DO poop. Probably just as much as you do.

Ladies, do not ever yell at a man for leaving the seat up. He doesn't yell at you for leaving it down, so yelling at him for leaving it up is fucking hypocritical and a bitch move. You are perfectly capable of putting it down yourself, so stop being a bitch and do something for yourself for once, you spoiled little bitch. Moving on.

Everyone seems to think that moving in together makes a couples sex life go wayyyy up. In one sense, it does, because you're given many more opportunities to do the deed than you were before. But don't expect miracles. If you didn't have a good sexual relationship before, moving in together is not going to help your problem. Talk it out and figure out what's wrong.

Fighting with each other constantly over petty things, such as "You hung the towel wrong!" is going to destroy your relationship. If you cannot handle small changed in your living space, you shouldn't live with someone. You should live alone until you stop being an OCD bitch and learn that everyone has different standards of cleanliness. Talk about your expectations and work something out. If something bugs you, tell them, don't yell at them. And if you can't do that, then say goodbye to your relationship.

Understand that if one of you is sick, it is the other persons responsibility to take care of them, as well as the house work, until they are better. I had surgery a little less than two weeks ago, and I cannot tell you how fucking grateful I am to be living with someone who understood that, and didn't mutter a single complaint. You have to understand that it is your responsibility to take care of them, in sickness and in health. This applies whether you are married or not! If you are committed, you are committed one-hundred percent.

If one of you has pets or children, establish some guidelines. Andrew and I decided that we would split the pet deposit, but I cover the pet rent every month. Tito is my dog, yes, but Andrew and I are a team, and he feels that Tito is just as much his dog as mine, and I agree. We have made a life together, and compromise has gotten us a long ways in our journey, as well as communication and patience.

Don't think that everything will go perfect from the start, because it won't. Be patient, and know that there will be many serious and minor things that you have to work through together. If you love them, then it will be worth it in the end. Good luck.

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