My Neighbors Got Laid

I love being independent. Living on my own is awesome. No curfews, no rules. It's my house, and I do what I want. The only thing I hate is living in an apartment. There are good sides to living in an apartment, like free maintenance. Other than that, it fucking sucks.

First off, it's expensive as hell. Seriously, with how much my rent is, I could be paying a mortgage for less. Maybe two. Not only do you have to pay rent, but you have rent insurance, police fees, parking fees, pet fees, mail fees, trash fees, utility fees, washer/dryer fees, everything has a fee. It's fucking ridiculous. Don't even get me started on the late fees.

Now, my apartment complex itself is really nice. The grounds are kept well maintained, the pool is always clean, but the location fucking sucks. I live in the ghetto of West Valley. You think I'm joking? I see a hobo digging through my trash at least once a week, and there was at one point a serial rapist running around my neighborhood. Ya, they never caught the guy. I get harassed when I go to the McDonald's down the street, and the people who used to live above me were drug dealers. So awesome.

The neighbors. Holy shit. My neighbors are the reason I'm writing this blog right now. Now, most of the neighbors are really nice people. We all let our dogs play together and say 'hi' as we walk past. But there are a couple that I'd rather didn't live there. First off, the lady who lived below me at one point is the nosiest lady I have ever met. She's rude as fuck, demanding, and disrespectful. She called me once and said, "Tell your boyfriend to fix my computer. I'll pay him when I can." Uh, what? No please? Lady, I don't think so. When you learn some manners and know how to use the magic word, then maybe. Probably not, because you're rude as fuck.

Now this morning. I was in the shower (I swear everything bad happens when I'm taking a shower) and I hear this banging noise from the apartment above me. What the hell? Now these people just moved in this weekend. I assumed maybe they were moving stuff around. Then I realized it was 5 o'clock in the fucking morning. Who the fuck moves shit at 5 o'clock in the fucking morning?? And then I heard it... It started off quietly, barely audible above the sound of the water... Moaning. It then turned into full blown screaming. OMG, they are having sex. Loud sex. Way to go, guys! You got laid! I was happy for them, really I was. Who doesn't wanna get laid?? Seriously, though. Quiet the fuck down. I can hear everything. If you guys are screamers, I would not recommend moving into an apartment complex. Seriously.

For those of you who have never lived in an apartment, don't fucking do it. Buy a house. Be smart and buy a fucking house. You'll have your privacy, no fees for having a puppy, or a fish, and no loud screaming neighbors getting laid at 5 o'clock in the fucking morning. Seriously. Buy a fucking house.

The End.